on moving...or not

This is the time of year when everyone is prepping to go back to school.  Friends, nieces, and random strangers are all getting ready and this is the first August in almost two decades that I HAVEN'T been in the same boat.  While at lunch today I also saw an old professor.  These two things combined with the fact that I really do love school and learning makes me yearn to be in their shoes.  But I'm not.  It's a different season of life, and it's weird.

Recently I made the decision to move back to Logan.  It's something I prayed and fasted about.  It wasn't a decision that was made lightly.  Even more recently I made the decision to NOT move back to Logan, which was also a decision made with lots of thought.  It may have been made a little more hastily, but time was of the essence.  

At this point in time only a handful of people know I'm not returning to Logan, none of which are ones who currently reside in Logan and are expecting me back.  Tomorrow is the going to be a joyful (read: awful) time telling people this fact.  I've been waiting to tell people in person (sorry if you find this first Tyler, but I'm chancing the less than 24 hour window between now and me telling you).  

I don't plan on detailing my reasons here...but there are reasons that exist.  This is a decision that does make me sad, but I feel peace with it.  I know it will be hard when I hear details of all the fun things friends are doing while I'm 80 miles away.  It will be even harder when I'm forgotten.  I'm just hoping and praying for experiences and friendships down here to distract me from those hard times and whatever reasoning as to why I'm down here will manifest itself.

Dear Boys #6

This post is dedicated to the only two people who will actually read it: Tyler Hamblin and Becky Merkley.

dear robot,

get over her or marry her.

stop selling yourself short.

you deserve the world.

dear #3,

go to church.

dear gbf,

don't go back to your ex.

you don't even need to help him.

you don't owe him any favors.

dear conference 2,

let's go back and replay that weekend.

it was a good one. i wished i didn't have to leave.

dear conference 1,

that was a dumb decision on my part.

glad we're more than past that.

now stop making judgy comments.

dear CC,

for the record, i never thought you were creepy.

dear unicorn,

you definitely are rare and unique.

you have a heart of gold.

dear midnight,

i miss our late night chats.

dear sept 12, 2012,

let's fix this drought.

i'm only half kidding.

dear tyler and becky,

thanks for always being the greatest.

love, kel

Dear Boys #5 {I think}

Oh man.  I forgot how scary blogs can be.  It never used to intimidate me, but somewhere along the line it changed.  Well, here goes nothing...

Dear Henry,
Thanks for being my baby boyfriend.
I think you're pretty cute placeholder.
I can't believe you and your sister are already a month old!
<3 Aunt Kel

Dear original Boy,
We haven't talked in almost two years.
Well, until the other day, that is.
I'm glad you had the guts to talk to me because even though I've thought about it, I never had the guts to contact you...or maybe you didn't need guts and you're just brave.
Anyway, my brain has lots of unanswered questions about you.
I'm not sure what to make of this situation.
Sincerely, confused but happy

Dear Best Friend/Former Best Friend/Friend/I Don't Know What to Call You,
Normally I'd be asleep, I think, but I really appreciated the "Random 1 AM text" the other night.
It was just what I needed.
Sometimes I miss what our friendship used to be, but I think we're both happy with our current life circumstances.
I also miss our midnight McDonalds runs and seeing Petsmart makes me long for the past sometimes.
Love, Kel

Dear Ethics, HR, and Marketing boys,
You three have been my saving grace this school year.
I seriously don't know how I would have survived without you.
From working on group projects to venting about the various classes we share, you keep my head on straight and make sure I'm doing okay.
Sincerely, your favorite gal pal {or so I'd like to think}

Dear mish,
You get home in less than six months.
That's weird.  So much has changed.
Yet, so much hasn't.
Hopefully we'll still be friends when you come home.
Kel

Dear Boy Previously Mentioned Somewhere on This List,
I think you're pretty great.
I'd like to continue to get to know you.
In the words of T. Swift, "I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now."
<3 me.

Dear Self,
You are seriously the most awkward person I know sometimes.

Grateful.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind.  Amidst all the craziness I have had a renewed sense of gratefulness and deeper appreciation for all that I have been blessed with.

• Eternal Families
•  Last week my cousin passed away unexpectedly.  This has been extremely difficult for everyone in my immediate and extended family.  Within the past three months, my cousin lost their newborn and my grandma passed away as well.  I'm grateful that not only are families forever, but I have a family I want to be with forever.
• Modern Medicine
• Smart doctors.  Technology improvements.  Everything.  My brother and sister-in-law's babies decided the other day, "Hey.  You guys look like fun...we wanna come play!"  Thankfully babies C&H aren't here quite yet.  For the full story, click here.
• School
• Even though it's super frustrating at times, I'm grateful I have the opportunity to get an education.  I am learning a lot of things I would have never known otherwise.  I'm still unsure of the purpose of me majoring in business is...but maybe someday I'll find out.  It definitely was a learning curve since I strayed away from everything semi-related in high school.  Business people were just obnoxious salespeople to me....then I learned there was more to it.
• I'm also grateful I pushed myself in high school to be a good student.  It has blessed my study habits and gave me the opportunity to have scholarships.
• Nice People
• Friends are great.  They arrange a study session so you don't fail a test, feed your social life with haunted houses and horror movies, and offer to take notes in classes you share.  They go out to dinner with you and listen to you ramble random stories.  Little acts of kindness add up to be a huge thing.
• My Job
• I have a job I love!  I don't think I could work anywhere else on the park for as long as I have.  The people in my department make it what it is.  I love the cute little notes people put up on Facebook at the end of the year, especially the personalized ones.  I love being able to contribute to making work enjoyable for them as well.  I have met so many people of different backgrounds and out of the hundreds of people I have met I would love working with 99.5% of them again.  I have made so many friends while learning valuable work skills and life lessons along the way.

And here's a quick list of the rest.  I'm materialistic and I like food.

• Diet Coke
• Muffins
• Spanx
• Taylor Swift
• The National Parks
• Target
• My Car
• Cafe Rio and Joy Luck
• Junk Food
• Pineapple
• Oversized Sweaters
• Prayer
• Flat Irons
• E-mail
• Music
• Skinny Jeans
• Old Navy
• The Gospel
• Pretty Little Liars and The Walking Dead
• My Family
• Cozy Blankets

focus on the happy

1 2 3 4 or find all here

Attitude is a funny thing.  Depending what yours is like, it can make or break a situation.  I'm not always overflowing with optimism, so sometimes I have to remind myself of the good things in life.

I could be upset that school is starting and it's my senior year, that I'm in an apartment complex where I know next to no one, and that the majority of my friends are getting married, going on missions, or just not in Logan.

However, everything can be looked at with a different light.  It just depends on my attitude.  I can be *excited* that I only have three more semesters left of school {still working on that excitement though...}.  I can be grateful for the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends and appreciate the ones who are still in Logan with me.  I can be happy that my friends are doing great things with their lives and grateful that we all have our own timetables.

I had actually started writing this last night, but I've learned you have to let real life take priority.  Why would you want to replace free food, a free movie, and getting to know some pretty cool new people with the Internet?  Beats me.

Seize opportunities when they come.  Focus on the happy.  Life will be so much more enjoyable if you do.